The Lord observed the extent of human wickedness on the earth, and he saw that everything they thought or imagined was consistently and totally evil. So the Lord was sorry he had ever made them and put them on the earth. It broke his heart. (Gen.6:5-6 NLT)
I have to confess that there are times I just want to give up and check out. Walking out this “Christianity” is hard. I think the hardest part is not merely messing up, making wrong turns or missing the mark, but those times when I knowingly, willfully, flat-out sin, I realize I grieve the Holy Spirit. And I feel it. Because He’s closer to me than my own thoughts, closer than my heart, He’s my life’s breath after all.[1] So in my desire to avoid this awareness of “grieving” God, this Lover of my soul, I shut Him out, push Him back into my subconscious, numb the awareness of His presence and realization of my causing Him pain. As a result, there are times I feel lukewarm. I don't want to be responsible for turning people off to knowing Him because of my poor example. I’ll only reflect badly on Jesus ("He doesn't look a thing like Jesus")[2] - that’s why I don’t display that fish on my car). I’m a hypocrite (Just ask my family.) Who do I think I am? When I was still in college, I remember my dad asking me that question in response to my challenging and confronting him about his extra-marital affairs. Who was I to question him? What gave me the right? Who did I think I was? That question painfully resounded through the years. Don’t get me wrong. I love my father. I miss him. I wish we had more time together. I regret we were never really father and son. (Many people including myself suffer this “father wound”(abusive and/or absentee fathers) that John Eldridge wrote about in “Wild at Heart” resulting in many of our hurts, habits and hang-ups) I trust that he reconciled with God through Jesus before he died (I thank God I reconciled with him before he died). Still, that question painfully resounded in my subconscious. But I realized that condemning, accusing, mocking tone, was not of God, rather it was from the pit of hell. No, I’m not perfect, no, I’m not without sin, and no, I’m not anyone’s judge, on the contrary, “Woe to me…I am a man of unclean lips!”[3] But by God’s grace through the redeeming work of Jesus' death on the cross, and moreover, His resurrection from the dead, I’m reconciled to God for “…[my] guilt is taken away and [my] sin atoned for!”[4] That’s not to say I'm perfect and won’t make mistakes; while in this fallen body, this “earthly tent” [5] and “subject to like passions”[6] as I am; I realize I’m going to make mistakes, make the occasional wrong turn, mess up in my relationship with God and others (ask my friends & family), but I’m reassured that, “Though [I] fall, [I] shall not be utterly cast down; For the LORD upholds [me] with His hand.” (Ps.37:24)
Dear God, I realize more and more that no good thing dwells in me apart from You, and that any virtue or goodness exhibited in me is a result of Your work in me. Would You please help me, my brothers and sisters realize that we just have to rest and abide in You and that You will bring to completion the work You began in us? I ask this in Jesus' Name.
To him who is able to keep you from falling and to present you before his glorious presence without fault and with great joy— to the only God our Savior be glory, majesty, power and authority, through Jesus Christ our Lord, before all ages, now and forevermore! Amen. (Jude 1:24-25)
I have to confess that there are times I just want to give up and check out. Walking out this “Christianity” is hard. I think the hardest part is not merely messing up, making wrong turns or missing the mark, but those times when I knowingly, willfully, flat-out sin, I realize I grieve the Holy Spirit. And I feel it. Because He’s closer to me than my own thoughts, closer than my heart, He’s my life’s breath after all.[1] So in my desire to avoid this awareness of “grieving” God, this Lover of my soul, I shut Him out, push Him back into my subconscious, numb the awareness of His presence and realization of my causing Him pain. As a result, there are times I feel lukewarm. I don't want to be responsible for turning people off to knowing Him because of my poor example. I’ll only reflect badly on Jesus ("He doesn't look a thing like Jesus")[2] - that’s why I don’t display that fish on my car). I’m a hypocrite (Just ask my family.) Who do I think I am? When I was still in college, I remember my dad asking me that question in response to my challenging and confronting him about his extra-marital affairs. Who was I to question him? What gave me the right? Who did I think I was? That question painfully resounded through the years. Don’t get me wrong. I love my father. I miss him. I wish we had more time together. I regret we were never really father and son. (Many people including myself suffer this “father wound”(abusive and/or absentee fathers) that John Eldridge wrote about in “Wild at Heart” resulting in many of our hurts, habits and hang-ups) I trust that he reconciled with God through Jesus before he died (I thank God I reconciled with him before he died). Still, that question painfully resounded in my subconscious. But I realized that condemning, accusing, mocking tone, was not of God, rather it was from the pit of hell. No, I’m not perfect, no, I’m not without sin, and no, I’m not anyone’s judge, on the contrary, “Woe to me…I am a man of unclean lips!”[3] But by God’s grace through the redeeming work of Jesus' death on the cross, and moreover, His resurrection from the dead, I’m reconciled to God for “…[my] guilt is taken away and [my] sin atoned for!”[4] That’s not to say I'm perfect and won’t make mistakes; while in this fallen body, this “earthly tent” [5] and “subject to like passions”[6] as I am; I realize I’m going to make mistakes, make the occasional wrong turn, mess up in my relationship with God and others (ask my friends & family), but I’m reassured that, “Though [I] fall, [I] shall not be utterly cast down; For the LORD upholds [me] with His hand.” (Ps.37:24)
Dear God, I realize more and more that no good thing dwells in me apart from You, and that any virtue or goodness exhibited in me is a result of Your work in me. Would You please help me, my brothers and sisters realize that we just have to rest and abide in You and that You will bring to completion the work You began in us? I ask this in Jesus' Name.
To him who is able to keep you from falling and to present you before his glorious presence without fault and with great joy— to the only God our Savior be glory, majesty, power and authority, through Jesus Christ our Lord, before all ages, now and forevermore! Amen. (Jude 1:24-25)
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