Divine Matchmaker: Dessert v. True Love (part 3 of 5)

“…for love is as strong as death, its jealousy unyielding as the grave. It burns like blazing fire, like a mighty flame.” (Song of Solomon 8:6)

I found that the divorce rate in the U.S. for 1st marriages is 50%, 2nd marriages, 67%, and for 3rd marriages, 74%. Over the years I‘ve asked friends and family the reasons for their divorce and “survey says”[i]: 1) poor communication - no longer friends, 2) lack of commitment to the marriage – infidelity, and 3) incompatibility or irreconcilable differences. I wonder how many divorces result from our marrying on the basis of “dessert”? Could it be that we too often base our decision to marry on sex, attraction, romance affection passion (SARAP[ii] :-)) – “dessert”? Maybe we’re too easily seduced by the sweetness of “dessert”. Please understand, dessert/sarap is a good thing. God created it, so it’s good. But as with anything God has created, taken out of context, before it's time, and contrary to His design, it can prove hazardous to our “ESP” health. Here’s a revolutionary idea, maybe it would be better, based on these divorce rates, to delay enjoying “dessert” until after the “main course”; and that, within the context of marriage? Wouldn’t “dessert’ be more enjoyable, especially the sex & passion? Wouldn’t it be exciting to unwrap that gift for the first time? And make no mistake sex is a gift! It’s a garden of delight, but we need to guard against the,”…foxes before they ruin the vineyard of love…” [iii]. And by “main course”, I mean a friendship, a love not merely of the body, but of soul and spirit. It seems without the sustenance of a friendship founded on mutual respect and admiration, resulting from the recognition and appreciation of our kinship as children of God; we have a relationship that may likely fail, as mere “dessert” will eventually cause both parties to become sick of each other, disrespect each other, take each other for granted, hurt each other, and in extreme cases, harm each other, which could result in years of recovery. And with regards to 1st time marriages, of the 50% who do stay together, I wonder what percentage are truly happy or have met their "soul mate"? Would 25% be too ambitious - a 1 in 4 chance of marital bliss? I've heard it said, "Better to be single wishing you were married, than married wishing you were single." So, despite the fact that some may think it foolish of me to wait on God for this “suitable helper”, I’ll gladly play the fool. For doesn’t God take the “foolish things of the world to confound the wise”?[iv] Because if there’s something I’ve learned in my time on this planet it’s that you have to be willing to allow yourself to be vulnerable, open to hurt, pain and ridicule, shunning and forsaking the shallow and superficial where the fickle, insecure, cynical and jaded masses huddle and congregate; daring, rather, to dive in to the deep end of the pool of your soul until you encounter your deepest most profound hopes, dreams, fears and insecurities. Only then can you even begin to attempt to comprehend the incomprehensible, fathom the unfathomable, to "eff" the ineffable; and hopefully obtain a view, a glimpse, nay, an inkling of that which dreamers, visionaries, romantics, philosophers and poets strive their lives entire to grasp – true love. And what is “true love”? “What is truth?”[v] Pontius Pilate asked that very question of Jesus, while looking TRUTH in the face, for Jesus said, “...I am the way, the truth, and the life.”[vi] And with regards to love, we learn from 1John 4:8 that, “God is love”, and that, “There is no fear in love… perfect love casts out fear.”[vii] So at the very least, it would seem that “true love” has to incorporate the Divine. Moreover, true and perfect love is devoid of fear. Yet isn’t fear the cause of doubts, insecurities and other faults and blemishes that so characterizes earthly romantic love? So it seems reasonable to say that without God in the mix, “true love” is elusive. It’s a “love-triangle” after all between the husband, his wife and God. True love has to involve the Divine; without it you only have lust, and, “Lust fades, so you'd better be with someone who can stand you.”[viii] Lust loses its luster.

Love is my religion - I could die for it. (John Keats)

True love comes quietly, without banners or flashing lights. If you hear bells, get your ears checked. (Erich Segal)

“Love seems the swiftest, but it is the slowest of all growths. No man or woman really knows what perfect love is until they have been married a quarter of a century.” (Mark Twain)

“…people are never perfect, but love can be….We waste time looking for the perfect lover, instead of creating the perfect love.” (anonymous)

"In a restless world like this is, love is ended before it's begun and too many moonlight kisses seem to cool in the warmth of the sun" (When I Fall in Love, Nat King Cole)

“…wuv, twu wuv… that dweam wifin a dweam… So tweasure your wuv…” (The Impressive Clergyman, Princess Bride)

"Death cannot stop true love. All it can do is delay it for a while " (Westley, Princess Bride)

“your body is a wonderland” (John Mayer)

[i] Family Feud

[ii] fr. Tagalog meaning “delicious”

[iii] Song of Solomon 2:15 New Living Translation (NLT)

[iv] 1Corinthians 1:27

[v] John 18:37

[vi] John 14:6

[vii] 1 John 4:18

[viii] Alan Zweibel and Jessie Nelson