The Divine Romance (4 of 4): Epiphany

“In the beginning God…” (Genesis 1:1)

My doubts regarding the existence of God persisted from around 5th grade until about the summer before I entered H.S. It was during the summer between 7th and 8th grade that I experienced a turning point in this crisis of faith. During those long days of summer vacation, I would routinely stay up late watching TV into the wee hours of the night. On one night in particular, I found myself the only one left awake - my brother and sisters already having gone to bed. It was about 2 a.m. and I decided to turn in. As I walked to the bedroom I shared with my brother, I passed the hallway bathroom. At the time, we had a full-length mirror adorning the far wall of the bathroom. As I passed the bathroom, out of the corner of my eye, I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror. For some unexplainable reason, I stopped in my tracks and entered the bathroom. With only the hall light providing dim illumination, I stood in front of the mirror and gazed at my reflection. I don’t know how to explain it, but in the few moments I stood in front of that mirror examining my reflection, gazing into my eyes as they peered back at me, a whisper, a still small voice, a question arose in my heart and mind: “How else?” At that moment, an epiphany, a revelation, a profound, “silent lucidity”[1] seemed to permeate, penetrate and dissipate the fog that previously shrouded my mind from the obvious, plain and simple truth: “How else could I be, how could I exist, how could all that exists in the world, with all of its complexity and apparent design, exist unless there is or was someone/something that conceived/designed/created me/the world?” I didn’t realize it at the time, but I was articulating, asserting and affirming what philosophers refer to as the cosmological (God is the first cause) and teleological (the universe has purpose, design) arguments for the existence of God.[2] (Philosophers use 4 syllable words and larger to justify the effort and expense in obtaining our “under-water basket-weaving” degrees; which, I’m proud to say, prepared me to placidly ponder the profound problem of poverty as I promptly joined the ranks of the unemployed upon procuring my degree) Now, I realized even at that age, this epiphany wasn’t a “proof” of God’s existence in the sense of a scientific, mathematical or logical proof, but I have since come to realize that neither is there a “proof” of God’s non-existence, i.e. you can’t disprove God’s existence. And the reason we can’t disprove God’s existence is that the means we would employ, viz. science, is inapt, ill suited, and inadequate for the task. Science comes from the Latin “scientia”, which means “to know, to learn”. But the realm of science is that of empirical, tangible, observable phenomena. God, being a spirit, is outside of the realm of science. Claims regarding God and spiritual matters are of a “metaphysical” (above/beyond the physical) quality and aren’t (normally) observable, or empirically testable. I must clarify that my concept of “God” at the time didn’t extend to the belief in the Christian God, merely that there had to be a first cause and if we called this “god”, so be it. I hadn’t yet come to the acceptance or belief in a personal god, merely that there had to be a first cause to all that exists, the obvious design and complexity in creation providing compelling evidence for that view. It was a “deistic”/impersonal view, and not a “theistic”/personal view of “god”. It could readily have been Aristotle’s “Prime Mover”, or maybe even a pantheistic view akin to the “The Force” from Star Wars for that matter, but at any rate, in my heart and mind, “God” was the creative “force” behind all that existed. I realize there are those who may criticize this attempt to defend the existence of God as an antiquated, unenlightened and primitive need to try and explain the universe; that “god”, impersonal or personal, is a mere crutch to make sense out of what is, in fact, senseless (nihilism); an attempt to provide comfort in a sea of uncertainty, an attempt to assuage our fears of the unknown, that science is a more enlightened approach to explaining and understanding the universe. But my argument, at this point, merely centers on this common, prevalent, universal desire to comprehend, understand, and make sense of the world through science, religion, or by whatever means; but that this common desire to make sense of the world requires, necessitates, demands that we agree, find consensus, establish “common ground” regarding standards/rules/measures/principles/ideals that are objective/impartial/unbiased/outside of/independent of us. A standard, by definition, is “…something considered by an authority or by general consent as a basis of comparison; an approved model…a rule or principle…used as a basis for judgment…”[3] It’s seems the nature of a “standard”, “rule” or “principle” necessitates that it be objective, impartial and altogether outside of us, else our respective “standards” could prove so at odds, unlike, different and disparate from each other’s that we would be hard-pressed to find common ground whereby interaction of any sort would be difficult, at best, and impossible, at worst. But the fact of the matter is that we do interact with each other, we can speak/communicate with each other, we can conduct business in fair and equitable means, and we can make “judgments” when one party or another is “wronged” in light of those rules/standards/principles upon which we as a society have agreed. And it is this sense, awareness, feeling and perception of “being wronged” that is the crucial part of this whole equation. The violation of what is “fair” and the resulting outcry on the part of the “wronged party” is an indication of something beyond us, outside of us – objective and not subjective. It’s not self-referential, but points to “a higher authority”, even if only this “higher authority”, whether we call it “god” or not, is “something” upon which we have agreed binds us, limits us, provides a boundary for human behavior, in the way of standards/rules/laws, thus protecting us from the violation of “rights” afforded us by those standards/rules/laws/principles. This is a key point in my discourse because everything hinges on “God”. If God doesn’t exist, then rules/principles/standards and laws are meaningless and it would truly be every man for himself, where “might makes right”, rendering the Nietzsche-ian “will-to-power” expressed in his ubermensch /overman/superman [4] as one of the more “sensible” way to lead one’s life. (Frederick Nietzsche’s ideas supplied much of the intellectual underpinnings for Hitler’s Aryanism in general, and Nazism in particular;[5] which, by the way, goes to show that there truly is “…nothing new under the sun…”[6] as this is merely one of the more recent (in light of history) iterations of man’s attempts to supplant God in a long line of would-be “overmen”/anti-christs throughout history who’ve embodied this “will to power” - the first being Lucifer[7]) However, if God does exist, then not only is there right and wrong, standards/principles/rules, but (and here’s the rub) consequences for violating those rules. This isn’t limited to just the moral/ethical/political/religious arena, but applies to the whole of science/math/arts/music/literature/philosophy – indeed every human endeavor. The etymology of “enthusiasm” comes from the Greek “en theos”, meaning “in God”. I suspect that the apathy, aloofness, ennui, indifference, and callousness that we at one time or another experience is indicative of when we are least “inspired” by God or “en theos”. It seems that a belief or disbelief in God can do much to influence, color, affect, and animate every aspect of life. He is, after all, the first cause:

“I am the Alpha and the Omega, the First and the Last, the Beginning and the End.” (Revelation 22:13 NIV)

“You formed my inward parts; You wove me in my mother's womb. I will give thanks to You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made; Wonderful are Your works, And my soul knows it very well.” (Psalm 139:13-14 NASB)

“By the word of the Lord the heavens were made, and all the host of them by the breath of His mouth…” (Psalms 33:6 NKJV)

God shows his anger from heaven against all sinful, wicked people who suppress the truth by their wickedness. They know the truth about God because he has made it obvious to them. For ever since the world was created, people have seen the earth and sky. Through everything God made, they can clearly see his invisible qualities-his eternal power and divine nature. So they have no excuse for not knowing God. (Romans 1:18-20 NLT)

Those who believe they believe in God but without passion in the heart, without anguish of mind, without uncertainty, without doubt, and even at times without despair, believe only in the idea of God, and not in God himself. --Madeleine L'Engle

"This is what I see, and what troubles me. I look on all sides, and everywhere I see nothing but obscurity. Nature offers me nothing that is not a matter of doubt and disquiet. If I saw no signs of a divinity, I would fix myself in denial. If I saw everywhere the marks of a Creator, I would repose peacefully in faith. But seeing too much to deny [Him], and too little to assure me, I am in a pitiful state, and I would wish a hundred times that if a God sustains nature it would reveal Him without ambiguity." (Pascal, Pensées, 1669)

"You must wager; it is not optional... Let us weigh the gain and the loss in wagering that God exists... If you gain, you gain all; if you lose, you lose nothing. Wager, then, without hesitation, that He exists." (Pascal’s Wager, Pensées, Blaise Pascal)

My argument against God was that the universe seemed so cruel and unjust. But how had I got this idea of just and unjust? A man does not call a line crooked unless he has some idea of a straight line. What was I comparing this universe with when I called it unjust? …Of course, I could have given up my idea of justice by saying that it was nothing but a private idea of my own [relativism]. But if I did that, then my argument against God collapsed too--for the argument depended on saying that the world was really unjust, not simply that it did not happen to please my private fancies. Thus in the very act of trying to prove that God did not exist--in other words, that the whole of reality was senseless [nihilism]--I found I was forced to assume that one part of reality--namely my idea of justice--was full of sense. Consequently atheism turns out to be too simple. If the whole universe has no meaning, we should never have found out that it has no meaning: just as, if there were no light in the universe and therefore no creatures with eyes, we should never know it was dark. Dark would be without meaning. (“Mere Christianity”, C.S. Lewis)

The most beautiful and most profound experience is the sensation of the mystical. It is the sower of all true science. He to whom this emotion is a stranger, who can no longer wonder and stand rapt in awe, is as good as dead. To know that what is impenetrable to us really exists, manifesting itself as the highest wisdom and the most radiant beauty which our dull faculties can comprehend only in their primitive forms - this knowledge, this feeling is at the center of true religiousness.(Albert Einstein - The Merging of Spirit and Science)

We may seek God by our intellect, but we only can find him with our heart. –Cotvos

“We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable rights, that among these are life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness.” (Declaration of Independence, adopted by Congress July 4, 1776)

“I don't need no one to tell me about heaven, I look at my daughter, and I believe. I don't need no proof when it comes to God and truth, I can see the sunset and I perceive” (“Heaven”, Live) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z_nImUzRv0w&feature=channel

[1] “Silent Lucidity” (Queensryche)

[2] http://www.theologicalstudies.citymax.com/page/page/1572404.htm

[3] http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/standard

[4] http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Friedrich_Nietzsche;

[5] http://www.history.ucsb.edu/faculty/marcuse/classes/133p/133p04papers/MKalishNietzNazi046.htm

[6] Ecclesiastes 1:9 (NKJV)

[7] Isaiah 14:12-15 NKJV