When I consider your heavens, the work of your fingers, the moon and the stars, which you have set in place, what is man that you are mindful of him, the son of man that you care for him? (Ps.8:3-5)
I’m nothing without You, Lord. Forgive my vain ambitions, which are nothing but a “chasing after the wind”[1]. For, “what will it profit a man if he gains the whole world, and loses his own soul?” [2] I would be blessed beyond measure if You should decide to take me home sooner rather than later. I’m loathe of further grieving Your heart and messing things up the longer I’m in this world, so I, “work out [my] salvation with fear and trembling.”[3] I confess, I fail You in word, deed and thought. “[A]s a dog returns to its vomit”[4], so often I return to my folly and pet sins. I so distrust myself as I recognize my capacity for evil, selfishness, self-centeredness, and pride. I’m acutely aware of how my, “…heart is more deceitful than all else and is desperately sick; Who can understand it”[5] but You oh Lord? So, if You should have me stay here a little longer, to fulfill whatever purpose You have for me, I fully realize I can’t do this thing, walk this walk, live this life, much less, perform the works that You have “prepared beforehand”[6] without You. I’ve learned that it’s “…not by might nor by power, but by [Your] Spirit”[7] whereby I can perform any good work of lasting value. I need Your help every step of the way. I’m so tired of following my own way, leaning on my own understanding, making wrong turns, running off the road You intend for me only to end up stranded in a ditch, in mud and mire. I vaguely remember a fleeting dream, not long after my soul’s re-generation upon inviting You to live in me; wherein I encountered someone much like me, but not me, someone closer to me than my very heart yet distinct from me, someone I vaguely knew yet whom I wished, desired, longed to know further, but the dream faded. I thought it was my soul mate, but I realize now that it was You all along. Forgive me, Lord for my earthly infatuations, for my idolatrous substitutions in placing others before You. For You alone are the Lover of my soul. YOU ARE MY SOUL’S MATE. I realize that You alone can fulfill the longings of my soul. You alone can meet the deepest yearnings of my heart. When I try to satisfy these yearnings and longings with anything or anyone other than You, I am woefully frustrated. You alone can satisfy. You are the love of my life. You’re my “summum bonum”[8], - my highest good. Many may criticize and ridicule my belief, my trust in and reliance on You as a mere crutch, but they don’t know the half of it. You’re infinitely more than that. You’re my hospital bed, You’re my life support, You’re the breath of my life[9], without which I would perish and cease to exist. I need You more than oxygen, more than life itself. I need You, Lord, “…earnestly I seek you; my soul thirsts for you, my body longs for you.”[10] I’m desperate for You. I’m lost without You. I love You because You first loved me.[11] I love You. I love You. I love You. I love You. I love You. I don’t recall ever being held by my earthly father, ever hearing the words, “I love you”; but I want to be held by You, my Abba Father, my God. I want to rest in Your arms. I long to hear You say You love me. I aspire to no high office, much less, the assistant to the assistant doorkeeper[12] in Heaven for that would be too ambitious for me. I’d only be too glad to inhabit the lowest office, to be the last in line, if only I could catch a glimpse of Your beauty from time to time, for that would more than satisfy me. And, if only from the furthest distance, far away from the heavenly choir, could I sing to You, yet I would glorify You crying louder than any rock or stone[13], “Your love is better than life”[14]! I love You. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jU1UF7MpK1k
I waited patiently for the LORD; he turned to me and heard my cry. He lifted me out of the slimy pit, out of the mud and mire; he set my feet on a rock and gave me a firm place to stand. He put a new song in my mouth, a hymn of praise to our God. Many will see and fear and put their trust in the LORD. (Psalm 40:1-3)
"Whom have I in heaven but you? And earth has nothing I desire besides you." (Psalm 73:25)“I will sing, sing a new song, I will sing, sing a new song, how long to sing this song?” (“40”, U2)
“My sin yelled ‘crucify!’ louder than the mob that day, my sin yelled ‘crucify!’ louder than any mouth, my sin yelled ‘crucify, crucify, crucify-ay, ay, ay” (Louder than the Mob, O.C. Supertones)“I’m forever yours…faithfully” (Faithfully, Journey)
